mInD oF mEnAcE

I seem to have great difficulty writing about the here and now.  It takes many years for me to be able to express into words my feelings and reactions to life’s events…happy or sad.  Although I currently feel on the cusp of what some may call a mental breakdown, I can not write about it.  I can not even know for sure what or why this is my current perspective.  If not for my near 20 hours per day of sleeping, I may not even realize there is a problem.

I want to elaborate with myself but nothing comes to mind.

Once upon a time

Once upon a place

You were here with me

We were face to face

 

You said we’d be forever

Our love would never die

You said you always be there

Although it was a lie

 

I wonder why you did this

Why you’re not here today

Wonder what I did

To make you hurt me this way

 

Maybe it’s not your fault

Somehow you went amiss

But you never said goodbye

Not even one last kiss

 

Even though I am angry

And probably will never forget

The way that you just left me

To live in such regret

 

There will always be a place

In the center of my heart

That never will forget you

And feels we didn’t part

 

So even though you’ve killed

Any chance that I may have

To live a happy life

With someone else instead

 

My heart will always love you

As long as I may be

On this lonely earth

Without you, just me

 

 

How do you say what’s on your mind

When even you don’t know

 

How to express true feelings

When you constantly put on a show

 

How can you be sure that what you feel is real

And who ever said we even need to feel

 

To me a feeling is, just another word

A feeling isn’t something that always should be heard

 

I don’t know if I will ever grasp what it truly means

I just want to know how I should be me

 

 

All alone, I can not bear

QUIET AIR – too loud

 

Emotions, fear, guilt

Are Clear

 

Daytime clutter

The enabler

 

The dark nights become louder

 

I can not sit alone

 

I AM SCARED