mInD oF mEnAcE

Release the Beast

Self Mutilation

with 4 comments


I was alone, forgotten, in my cinder block room.

 

I was angry and alone and since the tears no longer came, the razor blade took over. 

 

Most people think that when little girls cut up their bodies, it is a cry for attention.  When I was 16, I didn’t even know there was a name for this or that other children even thought of it but us “cutters” are looking for anything but attention.  We want to be left alone and we want to know how it feels to hurt because we spend so much of our lives fighting feelings.  I can honestly say that I didn’t think of much when I was cutting up my legs.  I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself at that particular time or upset, there was just something inside that told me to do it and told me I would feel good afterwards and I always did.  Something about watching the blood trickle down my legs and the wet soreness of the wounds made me feel good. 

 

I was controlling my pain. 

 

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Written by Tiffany Sams

September 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Thanks for the comment on my blog 🙂 I too used to be a “cutter”…..

    lifeasfilm

    September 26, 2008 at 4:44 am

  2. Tiffany, the level of pain you carry around with you must be indescribable, that you manage to be a functioning person says a lot about your incredible character. I too was a ‘cutter’ in my youth and like you I didn’t know there was a word for it, or it was actually fashionable amongst teenagers (can you believe that?!). It was such an escape from a series of tragic events I had to endure and strangely (and sadly) I still have to fight the urge today!
    Thank-you for being brave enough to open up comments on your blog. Keep writing and keep healing.
    love Cybill

    cybill

    September 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm

  3. perfect.<3
    perfect perfect perfect.
    i’ve been trying so long to explain that.

    abusingoftherib

    September 26, 2008 at 11:52 pm

  4. Your post is so accurate in how most “cutters” feel. I’ve worked with a number of them and am by far no expert, but really appreciate the insight your post gave me.

    cogitative

    October 12, 2008 at 11:51 am


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