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Release the Beast

Archive for November 2010

coast

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I feel like I coast through life just waiting, for what I’m not sure.  I read all sorts of self help material advising me to take life by the balls, be in control of my own destiny blah blah blah.  I then spend the next week or two feeling gulity for being so complacent or “not in control” then comes the shame, then all of the usual things that follow in a negative mind set.  Tomorrow is my birthdy and as I approach 35 years old, I wonder how this became my life.  When I was a child and feeling like a prisoner, I would envision my life as an adult….free from ridicule, abuse and lonliness but here I am in the same situation except now I am my own abuser…how ironic that everything I vowed not to be, has become exactly who I am.

I realize now that I am just waiting to die.  I have no real dreams anymore and as I coast to be free, I am so lonely in my own mind.

Written by Tiffany Sams

November 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm